#1 SHOE IN GOLF           #1 GLOVE IN GOLF




    Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

    Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

    When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more balls.

    If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

    The less skilled the player, the more likely he or she is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

    No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

    The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

    Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

    A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

    It is surprisingly easy to hole a 30 foot putt. For a 10.

    Counting on your opponent to inform you when he or she breaks a rule is like expecting them to make fun of their own haircut.

    Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

    It's not a gimme if you're still away.

    The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

    You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

    If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

    Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

    When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

    Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he or she must subsequently make two double bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

    To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

    There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

    Hazards attract; fairways repel.

    A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

    If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint

    It's easier to get up at 6:00 am to play golf than at 10:00 am to mow the grass.

    A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

    Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you spend longer praying than you would do in church.

    A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are....that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.

    If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.

    Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

    It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps. (Notice that this item was left as exclusively male)

    If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he or she shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse)...

    It takes longer to learn to be a goodgolfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don'tget to ride around on a cart, drinkbeer, and eat hot dogs when you are performingBrain Surgery !!!!



    But we know NONE of these apply to your game Bruce.
    • 1580 points
    • Posts: 237

    These are great, Bruce.  I was laughing out loud at my desk.  Just what I needed this afternoon.


    L.M.A.O.   !


    I am going to have to write down a few of these to break out during my rounds,  Still laughing at my desk.


    Thanks for sharing Bruce.

    My Favorite is: It is surprisingly easy to hole a 30 foot putt. For a 10.


    I relate uncomfortably well to quite a few of these..HILARIOUS!!


    Very nice, and many of them very true!


    Fantastic Bruce. I love the one about stopping to check your backswing. Classic


    Thanks for these, BRUCE.  I intend to share them selectively with appropriate of my golfing buddies when the proper instances arise.


    The Truth will set you free.


    Oh so true ! Thanks for the chuckles, Bruce

    • 2781 points
    • Posts: 510

    Can't find one that isn't true


    Thanks Bruce. These are classics! I was laughing and nodding my head on way to many of those!


    Great stuff Bruce...some fun reading on a cold early morning here in Detroit