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Golf Jokes

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    Does antone know any good golf jokes ? Here's one......What's a gimme ? A verbal contract between 2 golfers who can't putt.

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    read this one someplace, think you'll like it.

    this fellow was playing a round with his wife as he had every sunday for the past 30 years.  they were on their regular course and when he hit his drive on the par 4 7th which was a dogleg right, he put it right and very close to a barn.  he wasn't sure how he wanted to proceed and his wife noticed that the barn had doors on both sides.  that's when she came up with the idea that if both doors were opened he could take his next shot through the barn directly to the green.  well the back door stayed open just fine but the front had a large spring that caused it to close by itself.  so she told him that she would hold it open for him while he took the shot.  he took his shot and the ball killed his wife.

    two years later he was playing the same course with a friend and he again hit to just about the same spot.  his friend noticed the same thing that the mans wife had noticed two years before.  hitting the ball through the barn would give him a direct shot to the green.  that's when the man stopped him and said that he had tried that once before.  his friend asked what happened and the men told him.

    i bogeyed the hole.

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    There is another post Titled  'The Lighter Side' that deals with this subject, but here's one to add to this forum

    Wife was found dead and husband was the leading suspect. When being questioned by the police about the death, he confessed that he had done her in for not letting him golf on Sunday with his friends. Police  then asked how many times he had struck her as she appeared to have been blugeoned to death. He replied, "Give me a Five"

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    One more:

    Father, son and grandfather were all getting ready to start on the 1st hole when up walked a knock-you-dead  with her looks Blonde She asked if she could play with them and said that  if she could, there were3 rules she had. 1. They could not tell her how to play the hole; 2. Tell her what iron to use; 3. She would tee from the same tee bax as they did. After the first 4 holes she was even par and when they reached the 18th. she was on the green in two with a 16 foot putt to the hole for a one under par. She explained that she had never been this good bbefore and that if any one of them could now advise her how to make the birdie, she would spend the night with that person. the son told her that the shot broke left to right and she had to hit it about 8 inches to the left and it would curve in. the father told her that there was a double break and it was slightly uphill and against the grain and that she should aim right and hit it firmly and the ball would go in. the grandfather lined the shot up from the ball to the hole, walked to the hole and lined up the shot that way, returned to the ball,looked again and returned to the hole and looked that way again. After doing this, gramps walked back to the ball, picked it up and said"IT'S A GIMME." She replied, "YOUR CAR OR MINE."

     

    Morla: Just because we are OLD doesn't mean we are dead.

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    eagle3

    One more:

    Father, son and grandfather were all getting ready to start on the 1st hole when up walked a knock-you-dead  with her looks Blonde She asked if she could play with them and said that  if she could, there were3 rules she had. 1. They could not tell her how to play the hole; 2. Tell her what iron to use; 3. She would tee from the same tee bax as they did. After the first 4 holes she was even par and when they reached the 18th. she was on the green in two with a 16 foot putt to the hole for a one under par. She explained that she had never been this good bbefore and that if any one of them could now advise her how to make the birdie, she would spend the night with that person. the son told her that the shot broke left to right and she had to hit it about 8 inches to the left and it would curve in. the father told her that there was a double break and it was slightly uphill and against the grain and that she should aim right and hit it firmly and the ball would go in. the grandfather lined the shot up from the ball to the hole, walked to the hole and lined up the shot that way, returned to the ball,looked again and returned to the hole and looked that way again. After doing this, gramps walked back to the ball, picked it up and said"IT'S A GIMME." She replied, "YOUR CAR OR MINE."

     

    Morla: Just because we are OLD doesn't mean we are dead.

    that is a good one! Got to love the GIMMIE...

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    Tiger met up with Stevie Wonder and they discussed professions. Wonder said that he was a scratch golfer and Tiger said he couldn't believe it as Stevie was blind. Wonder stated that he had his personal aide walk towward the fairway and yell back to him and he would then hit the ball toward the sound of the aides voice. This was then repeated on all the shots including his putting. Wonder stated that he really enjoyed the game and offered to show Tiger how well he could golf. After some thought, Tiger said he would like to play Wonder very much and Wonder told him to pick any night he wanted.